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5. May God forgive my trespass — A

Dear C,

I write you with a shaking hand and a beating heart for never have I participated in such an adventure, hazarding such risks! Your note, hidden cunningly within the leaves of your breviary, was so unexpected and its’ artifice confounded me so thoroughly that, without thinking, I fulfilled your behest, and hid your note within the linens for the meal service that I did convey to the dispensary. I tell you that my heart was in my head, for I did feel its quickened pulse throbbing in my temples, as I made the journey from kitchen to the apothecary office. MG answered my rap at the dispensary door, as is customary. My face must have announced my thoughts, for MG gave me a queer look and whispered, “What is the matter?” My tongue, grown large as a melon in my mouth, forbade me to speak! I only could glance at the affected area of the tray, your note peeking slightly from the stack of linens. MG, with preternatural perception, spied the note and without a word, palmed it into the sleeve of her vestment before she took the tray. She then locked me in her gaze and nodded, turning away to bid Suora Benedetta that the midday meal had arrived. Thus she shut the door, leaving me to stand gape mouthed and idiotic, staring at the postern. The sensation of relief that I did feel, delicious and stimulating, is one I have never experienced. It frightened me to feel so well after having done so wrong. Once I had regained my breath and my sensibilities, I returned to my cell to pray upon what I had done, and endeavor to understand my reaction.

Is it always thus? Perhaps this is what leads a man to sin and sin again? Oh, Caterina, may God forgive me, for how I did enjoy the sin!

I will provide you with a reply to your note, if I receive it, when I bring the evening repast.

May God forgive my trespass.


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